T Shirt Sayings

So Few Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me .......

Thought for the day... Jim Morrison

There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors

Jim Morrison

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the
possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that
you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the
right man for the job."

"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, thrashing, thrushing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks.

I had to beat the sob to death with the chair!"

American Marketing Disasters

Here's a look at how shrewd American business people have translated and them rewrote their slogans into foreign languages...

When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly naked."

Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."

Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."

When Vicks first introduce its cough drops on the german market, they were chagrined to learn that the german pronunciation of "v" is f - which in German is the gutteral equivalent of "sexual penetration."

Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried later to introduce its product, only to learn that "Puff" in german is a colloquial term for a whorehouse. The English weren't too fond of the name either, as it's a highly derogatory term for a non-heterosexual.

The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. "No va" means "it doesn't go" in Spanish.

When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, "Pepsi Brings You Back to Life" pretty literally. The slogan in Chinese really meant, "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Grave."

When Coca-Cola first shipped to China, they named the product something that when pronounced sounded like "Coca-Cola." The only problem was that the characters used meant "Bite the wax tadpole." They later changed to a set of characters that meant "Happiness in the mouth."

A hair products company, Clairol, introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick.

When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA - with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside since most people can't read.

Sexy woman on a bridge

The Bridge is identified as the Paddington Walk in London.

Londoners alway had the most awesome sense of humor, but with a sexy woman like this anyone would acquire a sense of humour

The Nokia mobile phone commercial

The Nokia mobile phone commercial.....

Moving in with the times.. and connecting people at both ends !

Call me anywhere and I shall come !

Searching For Shoes

E-Commerce services provider Fry Inc. has tried on the Website design and relaunch of ShoeMall.com and increased sales by 44 percent in 2006. Shoe-Mall’s supply consists of a diverse selection of brand names and styles of shoes for women and men.

The site now showcases the "Shoe Finder" search tool to shop for shoes in the customer’s size and price range. Fry’s Open Commerce Platform helped design the e-commerce search tool solution to let vendors expand their online business. Shoe-Mall’s Internet Director Adrienne Hartman shows how that search tool increases sales.

We’ve become an online shopping culture and new technology has made finding shoes online easier and more enjoyable than ever.... although the above video appears more as a commercial !

One of these days, these boots are gonna roll all over you !

The three words during sex

What are the three words you never want to hear when you're having sex

Darlin.. I'm home

Followed by two words: OH SH*T

The Indian Condom market is being reviewed

Was watching the idiot box yesterday, and noticed that the Indian Condom market was being given an extensive makeover.. through market research... Ii's so difficult to convince someone to wear one in this part of the world.. perhaps it is the Indian male hangup.....

Now just imagine what happened if a MNC decided to enter the condom market.. say Nike.. No doubt, it would be a great hit.. With a catch phrase of "Just Do It" would not only remove any misgivings on the product, but would also transcend any cultural barriers

Now to go one step further, just imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms and kept the same tag-line... beginning with Nike..

Nike - Just Do It

Tesco Condoms - every little helps
Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.
KFC Condoms - Finger licking good.
Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load.
Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.
Pringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stop
Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper
Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide
FCUK condoms - no comment required.
Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain.
Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.
Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
Renault condoms - size really does matter!
Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes
Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!! (Please)
Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach
Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world
AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service
Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of an animal
Polo condoms - the condom with the hole!!!

Now to "close" the topic with an anecdote.... no offense please..

How do you make a fish flavoured condom ?
Stick one in your girlfriend....

And to avoid condom related accident use 2 condoms with chilli powder in between them if outer breaks she will know and if inner one breaks you will know !

Lastly but not the least.....

Stark condoms - why go starkers - when we are there to protect you

The foundation stone of the society

Without doubt, women are the foundation stone of the society... but one should always remember who laid them !

Advantage Processors

Advantage Processors is one of the many firms who process credit-card payments for traditional or online merchants. They provide cheap online internet credit card processing services for both low and high risk merchants, i.e., merchants such as retail establishments (in person credit card swipe), home based businesses and real internet credit card processing, to higher risk sites like higher risk mail order web sites and pre-paid telephone cards..

Their solutions provide merchants with their own merchant account for the online processing of credit cards, be it Visa, MasterCard, Amex or Discover. They also provide services such as shopping cart links and virtual terminals and site enablement.

Any business needs the help of a company that can process their credit-card payments. So, if you have your own internet based home business, this is a site you might want to visit to simplify your customer’s purchases.

Basically both sides benefit

That is to say Advantage Processors are recognized for their low-cost online internet credit card processing services and not only their low cost merchant services make your customers shopping experience more pleasant, it also makes your businesses more profitable. Besides, having a merchant account to accept credit cards is vital to both online and offline traditional retail stores, bars, restaurants, and any type of industry where credit card transactions are vital to success.

So go ahead and Apply Now for A Merchant Account

City of Oxford, Ohio

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.....

Never knew that one before ! [although that must have been permitted during the dark ages !]

Now for some news on the city....

The City of Oxford encompasses 5.7 square miles in the northwestern corner of "Butler County" and is home to approximately 22,000 people. Over 44% of the population is between the age of 20 and 24 due to the strong influence of Miami University. The community’s tie to education is further demonstrated by the high educational attainment of its population

In 1803, a college township was set aside in the almost uninhabited woodlands of northwestern Butler County. In 1810, a year after Miami University was chartered, the Village of Oxford was laid out and the first lots were sold. In the following year the first school was built and by 1830, with a population of over 700, the Village of Oxford was incorporated. A charter form of government was adopted in 1961 and a decade later population growth had turned the village into a full-fledged city.

The original boundaries of the City consisted of the Mile Square. A number of annexations during recent decades increased the size, resulting in the City currently consisting of approximately six square miles.

For more details, visit... http://www.cityofoxford.org/

Thought for the day !

Why wasn't Jesus born in the U.S.A ?

Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin !!

Let The Campaign Conversation Begin.....

Over the weekend, Senator Barack Obama visited New Hampshire and thousands of people showed up to hear him speak. The New Hampshire crowds were excited, because apparently, this is the first time they've ever seen an African-American." --Conan O'Brien

"The Reverend Jesse Jackson told CNN that he's planning to endorse Barack Obama for president. Experts say this is a risky move for Jackson, because hardly anything rhymes with 'Barack Obama.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Senator Barack Obama proposed for the first time setting a deadline for withdrawing troops from Iraq, as part of a broader plan aimed at bolstering his foreign policy credentials. Because if you don't know your foreign policy, you might only get elected president twice." -- Amy Poehler

Hillary Clinton announced officially she will be running for president. Besides announcing her candidacy on the Internet, she's also selling all her old headbands on Craigslist." --Jimmy Kimmel

Hillary Clinton, senator from New York, announced she wants to be president. She would be our first female president ... if you don't count James Buchanan." --David Letterman

Senator Hillary Clinton is back from her fact-finding trip to Iraq. She had to cut the trip short because she had to address a growing threat here at home -- Barack Obama." --Jay Leno

Presidential candidate Barack Obama says he's going to quit smoking. Which is good news for Hillary Clinton. Now that he's breathing down her neck, she won't have to worry about second-hand smoke." --Jay Leno

Arnold Schwarzenegger is in trouble after tapes surfaced of him saying negative things about other Republicans. Actually, the Schwarzenegger tapes surfaced last year, but they weren't deciphered until this week." --Conan O'Brien

Momentum continues for Barack Obama's campaign. Actually, do you know what Barack Obama's middle name is? Hussein. Could've been worse. Could've been Kerry." --Jay Leno

According to a new survey, Hillary Clinton's popularity rating is down to its lowest point in over a year. When Bill Clinton heard this, he said, 'If there's one thing Hillary can do, it's bring polls down.'" --Conan O'Brein

Reckon he must have heard poles as polls !


With due apologies to the Senators... One never knows who would ever get that coveted "space" to become the next "el presidente" !

And for the commentators ..... keep rolling dudes.... Long live the freedom of speech !

Quote for the day - Woody Allen

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips !!

Murphy's version ....

Why do golfers carry two pairs of shoes.... because they might get a hole in one..

Now read it any way you like !

Sexual Healing

A congressional committee has passed the first version of the Bush Health Plan, including a special prevision for pathological sexual addiction.

The bill is sponsored by Senator Ted Kennedy, and it encourages mental and physical well being through extensive cardio-vascular exercise ..... without pants !!