A quote on marriage

I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.

Definition Of Heaven

A sardarji died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates Saint Peter told him that new rules are in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance each soul must answer two simple questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?

The sardarji thought for a few minutes and answered:
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardarji replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."

Saint Peter opened the gate without another word......

Real Poverty

One day a father and his rich family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing him how poor people can be. They spent a day and a night at the farm of a very poor family.

When they returned from their trip, the father asked his son. "How was the trip?"

"Very good dad!"

"Did you see how poor people can be?" The father asked

"Yeah!

"And what did you learn?"

The son replied. "I saw that we have a dog at home and the have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden; they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lamps in the garden; they have the stars. Our patio reaches to the front yard; they have a whole horizon."

When the little boy finished speaking, his father was speechless.

His son added, "Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are."

Black Magic

A man walks into the market followed by his ten-year-old son.

The kid is spinning a 25 cent piece in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.

A middle-aged, fairly unremarkable man in a gray suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market.

Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but just barely) the man carefully takes hold of the kid's testicles and squeezes gently but firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the 25 cent piece, which the man catches in his free hand. Releasing the boy, the man hands the coin to the father and walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him. The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the father's thanks. As the man is about to leave, the father asks one last question: "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before - it was fantastic - what are you, a surgeon or something like that?"

"Oh, good heavens, no", the man replies, "I work for the IRS