Sunday, May 13, 2007

Check this CV Out.....

Just came across this version of a CV....Now how far this is true don't ask .... but it certainly is worth a read....


I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs.

I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability.

I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich.

Number of dependents: 40

Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.


Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.

I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap.


I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job.

Evaluating employees
RE: Quotes Taken from actual performance evaluations:

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

"I would not allow this employee to breed."

"This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

Such specimens definitely abound......that is for sure

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